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Thursday, September 5, 2013

Is very difficult.....




 Is very difficult....

The most difficult thing in this world is to live in peace and harmony with people. It is, perhaps, easier to live with birds and animals. I have met people who prefer living with their dogs than with other human beings! They find their pets more loyal, predictable, and loving, than their close relatives. Why is living with people a problem?

We know that fire is hot and we accept that as a fact. If we are burnt by touching fire, we do not blame it. If a whole house is burnt down, we may condemn other factors or blame our negligence, but would accept fire as is. Its place is undeniable and it is not rejected. Similarly, we accept the coolness of ice, the beauty of flowers, fruits, trees and plants. We enjoy the splendor of Nature acknowledge it as it is without the projections of our mind.

Again, if we are admiring a beautiful, full moon and someone else comes and starts appreciating it, do we say, “Why are you looking at my moon? You have no right to see it!” There is no sense of ownership, no possessiveness; there is acceptance without any projection of likes and dislikes. The Bhagavad-gita, says that a wise person moves everywhere with love and affection. Like the wind blowing freely, he does not get attached to anything.

He accepts all. Sometimes people behave nicely, sometimes they don’t - he is neither elated nor depressed. In another beautiful verse the Lord explains that such a man of wisdom lives with his senses under control, free from personal likes and dislikes, and therefore, enjoys every object, every place, every situation, and every person. Also, we find it difficult to live with people because we have too many expectations from them. If I expect something from another, that person may also expect something from me.

Furthermore, I am unable to fulfill my own expectations of myself. I feel that I should get up and sit in meditation for one hour, but it is difficult to sit for even five minutes; I want to do so many things, but I am unable to do them. Thus, we feel disappointed and frustrated with ourselves, and aggrieved or upset with others when they fail to satisfy our expectations. I saw a sticker that said, “Don’t try to change me. Accept me as I am.” This is the simple rule of how we wish to be treated by others. One is sure to respond by, “I understand all this as far as the moon, ice, trees, and plants go; I also understand that I cannot change fire and so I should accept it; but should I not expect my child to do well in his studies? If my children are committing mistakes, should I not teach, educate, and discipline them? How is it possible not to expect anything?”

It is important to understand the message clearly and completely. The message is that one should accept the fact as it is. Then if a change is necessary, try to make that change, but do not insist on it. Every parent wants the child to perform well and excel whether in sports or in studies. There is nothing wrong with that. But, to expect something that may not be possible for the child to do, and unnecessarily, apply pressure and force, will cause frustration to all.

When one is living with people it may not be possible to have no expectations at all, so one should have reasonable expectations. An artistically inclined child with no aptitude for commerce should not be forced into the family business. Expectations should be reasonable and based on knowledge and wisdom. At the same time, you cannot insist on your way, due to the fact that there are innumerable other factors, which govern the entire universe. As far as Nature or the moon is concerned, we do not feel a sense of ownership or possessiveness.

But with regard to people it is extremely deep-seated and can be very destructive. What we need to have is love and affection. Along with that there should be freedom and space too. Two hands joined together leave a gap and can be easily separated. Similarly, we should give people space. Often we hear people say, “Give me some space please!” If you love a bird, will you cage it and expect it to be happy? It is not possible to love someone and at the same time to also confine them in that love.

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